Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Boundries
This morning I was taking my walk and I was thinking about boundaries. I apparently have not just boundaries, but quite a fortress. I am, for the most part, secure in my beliefs and how I choose to live my life and in choosing to be flexible and ever open to new ideas and concepts, ironically have become somewhat inflexible. I am inflexible in that fact that I choose not to allow other people opinions dictate my path. I pretty much have always been this way, but i am trying to at least listen now and consider the information that is being given, be it criticism, encouragement or otherwise. I think some people will give you a lot of criticism others too many compliments. i like to live somewhere more in the realm of what is real...can I touch it, can I see it, is it a real representation? For example, I think about people of great fame. Not to say that what they contribute is not substantial, but honestly, just because they are famous does not make them the authority on everything. Or say the street people, just because they live on the street does not make their contribution less valid. I like to believe that each of us has something to offer, something of value. And i am a big advocate for the belief that my way is right for me, not necessarily right for you. my greatest joy in life is seeing people being able to express their true selves for the purpose they were created and were given life. This very core of my belief is what ends up alienating me from so many, because I don't fit the form they want, and people always assume I believe what they believe, when they realize that I don't, the relationship is cut off. It is interesting, because i give them the freedom to be themselves, they are usually uncomfortable with the freedom I take to be myself. We separate ourselves into these little sub groups and call them our friends. the discomfort I cause others is that, everyone is my friends, I love everybody. that is not to say that I approve of all Behaviour, that is different, but I do believe that all people deserve to be loved and heard. and i believe this, because, I want to be loved and heard.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Wedding
This weekend I attended my daughter's second wedding. It was very well done and everyone seemed to have a wonderful time. I am not really a person who does well in crowds and therefore I try and keep myself together, but I can not say I enjoy large events. I did enjoy seeing my children and my grandaughter. It is always delightful to see them.
AND it is delightful to also be at a time in my life that I get to enjoy being with my husband and I do not have to worry about what they are doing, because they are all grown up now. I have loved every stage of my life watching my children grow. That is not to say that some pain hasn't been involved, that starts the day I concieved. My pregnancy's were not really a breeze...but such wonder to see these wonderful human beings become. To see the creativity, anger, forgiveness, love that the children are capable of is amazing.
I was talking with someone this morning about how our children really belong to God and that we just have the joy of being a part of the process of growth and have a relationship with them. I just appreciate that the LORD allows us to be such an important part of that process. I am glad I understand things to be this way, because it has allowed me to be a parent that can watch my children soar! They are all so unique in thier own ways and are such great people. I think i have said it a thousand times, but it bears repeating, I love being a mother. It is the greatest gift.
AND it is delightful to also be at a time in my life that I get to enjoy being with my husband and I do not have to worry about what they are doing, because they are all grown up now. I have loved every stage of my life watching my children grow. That is not to say that some pain hasn't been involved, that starts the day I concieved. My pregnancy's were not really a breeze...but such wonder to see these wonderful human beings become. To see the creativity, anger, forgiveness, love that the children are capable of is amazing.
I was talking with someone this morning about how our children really belong to God and that we just have the joy of being a part of the process of growth and have a relationship with them. I just appreciate that the LORD allows us to be such an important part of that process. I am glad I understand things to be this way, because it has allowed me to be a parent that can watch my children soar! They are all so unique in thier own ways and are such great people. I think i have said it a thousand times, but it bears repeating, I love being a mother. It is the greatest gift.
Friday, May 24, 2013
Time
I had a dream last night about my dog, Teddi. I woke up sad and missing her. In my diary I found she has been gone since 2005. Where did those 8 years go? She was such an important part of my life and still is such an important part. I am so grateful for the life lessons I learned from Teddi.
Time is such an interesting thing. It seems to go so slow during certain seasons in our lives and so quickly in others. I sometimes feel as if life is just a big loop really, discoveries, mistakes, experiences, innovations go around and around. I think I would like to make some big discovery in my lifetime, but really someone probably already figured it out.
I was reading this morning and the theme of do justice, love mercy and walk humbly before God continues to come into my heart and soul. The interesting thing about these concepts is that they don't require the passage of time to achieve. These are things we can do each moment of our lives. From the beginning to the end. We don't have to reach a goal or title or status to be able to do these things. Anyone can do these things...no time involved. Day by day and moment by moment. This is why I love the Word it brings such profound simplicity into my life. It sounds so simple...
Today I will choose to love, not because it is easy, but because it is right. My dog loved me. She was good in so many ways, but she had a problem. Her problem was that she was violent against other animals. She was (i suspect) bred to fight. No matter what we tried she would not socialize with other animals. One day she attacked another dog, fortunately the dog was okay. Unfortunately, she ran out of the front door and a young girl was there witnessing the sight and was terrified. I was terrified, what if she had mistaken a small child for an animal. Perhaps I acted too swiftly, but we put her down. I could not stand the thought of her harming anyone, child, pet, anyone. The most important thing for me was to know that she would not be remembered as the "pit bull" that hurt someone. I think it was one of the hardest things I have ever done, to watch her eyes as the life left them. I didn't want to not be there, I was the one who made the decision. I wanted to hold her until the end and somehow let her know that I do love her.
When I woke up I thought about the flood that was sent upon the earth and how the LORD was grieved that he had done that thing and set his rainbow in the sky to let us know he would never bring destruction by flood again. He did it because of the violence of mankind according to the Word. I put down Teddi because of the violence breed into her that she had no control over whatsoever. It is a wound that doesn't want to heal in someways...even after all this time. I guess that is love.
Time is such an interesting thing. It seems to go so slow during certain seasons in our lives and so quickly in others. I sometimes feel as if life is just a big loop really, discoveries, mistakes, experiences, innovations go around and around. I think I would like to make some big discovery in my lifetime, but really someone probably already figured it out.
I was reading this morning and the theme of do justice, love mercy and walk humbly before God continues to come into my heart and soul. The interesting thing about these concepts is that they don't require the passage of time to achieve. These are things we can do each moment of our lives. From the beginning to the end. We don't have to reach a goal or title or status to be able to do these things. Anyone can do these things...no time involved. Day by day and moment by moment. This is why I love the Word it brings such profound simplicity into my life. It sounds so simple...
Today I will choose to love, not because it is easy, but because it is right. My dog loved me. She was good in so many ways, but she had a problem. Her problem was that she was violent against other animals. She was (i suspect) bred to fight. No matter what we tried she would not socialize with other animals. One day she attacked another dog, fortunately the dog was okay. Unfortunately, she ran out of the front door and a young girl was there witnessing the sight and was terrified. I was terrified, what if she had mistaken a small child for an animal. Perhaps I acted too swiftly, but we put her down. I could not stand the thought of her harming anyone, child, pet, anyone. The most important thing for me was to know that she would not be remembered as the "pit bull" that hurt someone. I think it was one of the hardest things I have ever done, to watch her eyes as the life left them. I didn't want to not be there, I was the one who made the decision. I wanted to hold her until the end and somehow let her know that I do love her.
When I woke up I thought about the flood that was sent upon the earth and how the LORD was grieved that he had done that thing and set his rainbow in the sky to let us know he would never bring destruction by flood again. He did it because of the violence of mankind according to the Word. I put down Teddi because of the violence breed into her that she had no control over whatsoever. It is a wound that doesn't want to heal in someways...even after all this time. I guess that is love.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Wedding
Going to a wedding this weekend. I like weddings, it is nice to have people still willing to make a commitment to one another in the bond of marriage. Trying to catch up on the last minute details like laundry...fun.
I have had a full and wonderful week. I took yesterday off to rest as we will have lots of travel and fun in store over the weekend. It is good to take a day off now and again, it restores the mind and the body.
I have had a full and wonderful week. I took yesterday off to rest as we will have lots of travel and fun in store over the weekend. It is good to take a day off now and again, it restores the mind and the body.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Vacation
Vacations are important. We in America don't take too many vacations. We are always too busy or don't have enough money to do anything. At least that seems to be the state of all average people. If we have time, we have no money, if we have money, we have no time. It is really quite sad. Taking a break from the everyday stresses of life is so important.
Some periods of my life were so busy and exhausting that I have almost no memory of them. Other periods of my life I have not had enough to do. Like right now, and I still have no memories, because I don't do anything! Hmmmm
No, seriously, in the past few months I have had the pleasure of time. Time with the family, time to myself and at first it was so strange I honestly sat on my bed and called my daughter and said what am I supposed to do? I was serious. That day I remember. It was a horrible feeling. I did not have a job. I did not have children to care for. My husband was at work. Just sitting on the bed with a TV screen in front of me. What a bad day.
After a year my days are fuller. And I am doing things that are interesting to me. This had been a really wonderful year. Kinda like a year vacation. I would highly recommend everyone take a year, if they can, to find yourself again, once the children are gone. I think this next year will become busier; plans for great things on the horizon. Looking forward to my new found interests. hopefully my skills won't be so rusty that I can't keep up. That includes this aging body as well. Sometimes the mind is willing, but the body has different plans.
This are some of the things I learned about myself this year. I like to cook. I like to be outside. I like listening. I like live music, performing and listening. I like to feel helpful. I like to clean. I like seeing new places and meeting new people. I like long road trips, when I get to drive. I like to organize things. I like to take walks on pretty days. I like having wine with my husband at days end and sharing with him. I like taking photos of nature. I like spending time in prayer and bible study.
And some things I don't like. I don't like spending so much money for a cell phone. BYE BYE cell phone. Always being on time. Too much structure. Being unhealthy. Hearing myself talk. Getting upset over petty things (its pretty much all petty). Things I have been working on. Humility. Love.
Some periods of my life were so busy and exhausting that I have almost no memory of them. Other periods of my life I have not had enough to do. Like right now, and I still have no memories, because I don't do anything! Hmmmm
No, seriously, in the past few months I have had the pleasure of time. Time with the family, time to myself and at first it was so strange I honestly sat on my bed and called my daughter and said what am I supposed to do? I was serious. That day I remember. It was a horrible feeling. I did not have a job. I did not have children to care for. My husband was at work. Just sitting on the bed with a TV screen in front of me. What a bad day.
After a year my days are fuller. And I am doing things that are interesting to me. This had been a really wonderful year. Kinda like a year vacation. I would highly recommend everyone take a year, if they can, to find yourself again, once the children are gone. I think this next year will become busier; plans for great things on the horizon. Looking forward to my new found interests. hopefully my skills won't be so rusty that I can't keep up. That includes this aging body as well. Sometimes the mind is willing, but the body has different plans.
This are some of the things I learned about myself this year. I like to cook. I like to be outside. I like listening. I like live music, performing and listening. I like to feel helpful. I like to clean. I like seeing new places and meeting new people. I like long road trips, when I get to drive. I like to organize things. I like to take walks on pretty days. I like having wine with my husband at days end and sharing with him. I like taking photos of nature. I like spending time in prayer and bible study.
And some things I don't like. I don't like spending so much money for a cell phone. BYE BYE cell phone. Always being on time. Too much structure. Being unhealthy. Hearing myself talk. Getting upset over petty things (its pretty much all petty). Things I have been working on. Humility. Love.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Housework
We all need to do housework. The key is to find a way to do it joyfully! It seems to go so much faster that way. The past couple of days I have been cleaning, it does give a person a smile when it is done. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the amount of work that does need done, but once you get started it feels pretty good.
I am waiting for a plumbing inspection to happen today...you know one of those "windows" of time...anyway, i am grateful that someone knows how to take care of the plumbing because I don't!
My biggest project is the garage right now, it seems to be taking me a long time; much longer than I want it to. It is complicated because we are still trying to downsize our possessions, but not get rid of so much that we have to run to the store to replace something we gave away. We have decided to rid ourselves of our camping gear, it seems we are done with that activity in our sojourn here. We did have a wonderful time camping with the children. Camping has many good memories so it is hard to let go of the stuff that brings back memories of joy.
As little as these blogs would mean to anyone else, I am finding that it is a great outlet. Especially now that I am alone so much of the day...except for the occasional plumber...
I am waiting for a plumbing inspection to happen today...you know one of those "windows" of time...anyway, i am grateful that someone knows how to take care of the plumbing because I don't!
My biggest project is the garage right now, it seems to be taking me a long time; much longer than I want it to. It is complicated because we are still trying to downsize our possessions, but not get rid of so much that we have to run to the store to replace something we gave away. We have decided to rid ourselves of our camping gear, it seems we are done with that activity in our sojourn here. We did have a wonderful time camping with the children. Camping has many good memories so it is hard to let go of the stuff that brings back memories of joy.
As little as these blogs would mean to anyone else, I am finding that it is a great outlet. Especially now that I am alone so much of the day...except for the occasional plumber...
Monday, May 13, 2013
Direction
I have been looking for direction in what I should do with all of my time. I have found that direction and I hope that I will be worthy of the calling.
I am so ever grateful for the faithful endurance of my beloved husband for helping me through this process and being so gracious toward me every step of the way.
A few years ago I did not believe that marriage was anything but hard work and a marathon of biting my tongue so as not to ruin everything. (Did I mention I can have a sharp tongue?) But gratefully I have once again been proven wrong. My first experiences in life have moved away into a beautiful new reality of a wonderful marriage with a godly man. It is in fact possible to find someone who really does love you. They don't have to love everything about you, but I have found that for the most part they do enjoy being with you. I have found that love in my beloved husband of 17 years. He has opened up parts of my heart that I thought had been utterly crushed, destroyed or undeveloped. We journey on together finding new ways to serve together our family and community. A partner is what I asked for when I married again, but I found a friend and lover like none other. In this I am so blessed.
I hope everyone can find someone to love them. Love is the greatest gift in this life one can possess.
I am so ever grateful for the faithful endurance of my beloved husband for helping me through this process and being so gracious toward me every step of the way.
A few years ago I did not believe that marriage was anything but hard work and a marathon of biting my tongue so as not to ruin everything. (Did I mention I can have a sharp tongue?) But gratefully I have once again been proven wrong. My first experiences in life have moved away into a beautiful new reality of a wonderful marriage with a godly man. It is in fact possible to find someone who really does love you. They don't have to love everything about you, but I have found that for the most part they do enjoy being with you. I have found that love in my beloved husband of 17 years. He has opened up parts of my heart that I thought had been utterly crushed, destroyed or undeveloped. We journey on together finding new ways to serve together our family and community. A partner is what I asked for when I married again, but I found a friend and lover like none other. In this I am so blessed.
I hope everyone can find someone to love them. Love is the greatest gift in this life one can possess.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Surprise
Yesterday I learned of some surprising news. It was a joyful discovery and wonderful to hear. Listening to the news, we often don't here the good stories that are happening in the lives of those around us. Good News is nice!
It is also nice to have someone in your life that wants to share their good news . It is a sign of friendship and having a friend is really nice. Since I have moved so much in my life it has been difficult to retain friends and I don't have any long term friends. My husband has become my dearest friend and for that I am grateful. He listens and loves me.
I do long to be a good friend, one that has been around, but I don't think it will ever happen. I have not had the opportunity to do it. I have moved 26 times in my life. I have lived in 2 countries, 5 states and 15 cities. At this time I am 46 years old. I have attended 16 schools, held 19 jobs and attended 7 churches. I have worked with laundry service, children, parents, youth, churches, food service, bar tending, pool hall, elder care, grocery store, food pantry, fast food, homeless, domestic violence, sexual assault survivors, drug addicts, and incarcerated persons. I don't think I know how to stay still. I have been hardwired for change. This is something people I care dearly about don't really understand. I find that when I leave others feel hurt or sad, but what else can I do? How do you stop? Even my family has become a victim of my leaving, how sad. But, I never feel like I am leaving as much as I am going. Perhaps that is why I go. I never leave I am always moving forward, learning and growing and contributing what I have learned along the way. My heart holds dear all those who I have loved. Over time I have learned that those who have been left don't feel the same, often they may feel that I was not loyal to them. Maybe I really didn't like them. But the truth is so much different. I do love them, each and every one. On average I have changed something in my life every two years and I will admit, I love it! I love meeting new people and seeing new things. I love learning more about the world around me and growing into a more compassionate person. So for all those I love...please remember I have never stopped loving you. Each of you I carry in my heart and I share the love you poured into me with those I encounter on this journey I call my life.
It is also nice to have someone in your life that wants to share their good news . It is a sign of friendship and having a friend is really nice. Since I have moved so much in my life it has been difficult to retain friends and I don't have any long term friends. My husband has become my dearest friend and for that I am grateful. He listens and loves me.
I do long to be a good friend, one that has been around, but I don't think it will ever happen. I have not had the opportunity to do it. I have moved 26 times in my life. I have lived in 2 countries, 5 states and 15 cities. At this time I am 46 years old. I have attended 16 schools, held 19 jobs and attended 7 churches. I have worked with laundry service, children, parents, youth, churches, food service, bar tending, pool hall, elder care, grocery store, food pantry, fast food, homeless, domestic violence, sexual assault survivors, drug addicts, and incarcerated persons. I don't think I know how to stay still. I have been hardwired for change. This is something people I care dearly about don't really understand. I find that when I leave others feel hurt or sad, but what else can I do? How do you stop? Even my family has become a victim of my leaving, how sad. But, I never feel like I am leaving as much as I am going. Perhaps that is why I go. I never leave I am always moving forward, learning and growing and contributing what I have learned along the way. My heart holds dear all those who I have loved. Over time I have learned that those who have been left don't feel the same, often they may feel that I was not loyal to them. Maybe I really didn't like them. But the truth is so much different. I do love them, each and every one. On average I have changed something in my life every two years and I will admit, I love it! I love meeting new people and seeing new things. I love learning more about the world around me and growing into a more compassionate person. So for all those I love...please remember I have never stopped loving you. Each of you I carry in my heart and I share the love you poured into me with those I encounter on this journey I call my life.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Spring
Today is a "typical" Spring day. Not too cool not too hot sunny this morning and a chance of scattered showers. It is absolutely beautiful outside right now.
I did do some work in the garage yesterday. I felt much better now that I actually did something. Now I just need to finish.
Today I will be going to the food bank. I made some banana bread that I am going to take with me and see if anyone wants some. I have been awake since my husband got up for work today, so I have already accomplished so much today. That is a good thing. We are planning on planting some seeds in our shared garden. I am unsure if they will take, but we are going to plant some chard and kale. I also want to plant some herbs for the kitchen. I would like to grow fresh herbs and have them for cooking.
I am feeling much better than I did a few days ago. I do not find myself in a dark place that often anymore, it is nice to be feeling more sane today. I am a bit sleepy from getting up before 4am, but at least I am not spinning in circles.
I read a devotional today about God's silence, and what lessons may be there for us when He isn't speaking. I think that is when I go dark myself, when I do not have clear direction from HIM. He is so faithful to guide my path. I am glad for the reminder of my dependence upon HIM. It helps me to understand what is me and what is HIM. I need the reminder. I have been so spoiled by the grace and goodness that has been extended to my through the Holy Spirit by the blood of Jesus, I probably take HIM for granted and don't appreciate all that HE does. As soon as he pulls back I don't take it for granted though...ugh...I am a terrible person. It is by HIS mercy that I am able to do any good at all in this life and am I ever reminded when I find I only have myself to solve life's questions. HE never leaves us in silence for long, it is a good thing. Silence does not mean HE has left us. I remember there were times that I did not interfere with my own children and would let them work through some issues, when they were small. I wanted them to be able to problem solve. Just as I was there, but not interfering, I know that our GOD is faithful, because HE said HE would never leave us or forsake us. He has never left me completely and for that I am so grateful. But sometimes HE has been silent. I am grateful for that too. In the end I know that HE loves me, that HE loved me enough to pay the penalty for my sin so that I could recieve the "Gift of God" of eternal life rather than the eternal death I was already living, Thank you FATHER for the Gift of your SON.
Be Good and Do Good
I did do some work in the garage yesterday. I felt much better now that I actually did something. Now I just need to finish.
Today I will be going to the food bank. I made some banana bread that I am going to take with me and see if anyone wants some. I have been awake since my husband got up for work today, so I have already accomplished so much today. That is a good thing. We are planning on planting some seeds in our shared garden. I am unsure if they will take, but we are going to plant some chard and kale. I also want to plant some herbs for the kitchen. I would like to grow fresh herbs and have them for cooking.
I am feeling much better than I did a few days ago. I do not find myself in a dark place that often anymore, it is nice to be feeling more sane today. I am a bit sleepy from getting up before 4am, but at least I am not spinning in circles.
I read a devotional today about God's silence, and what lessons may be there for us when He isn't speaking. I think that is when I go dark myself, when I do not have clear direction from HIM. He is so faithful to guide my path. I am glad for the reminder of my dependence upon HIM. It helps me to understand what is me and what is HIM. I need the reminder. I have been so spoiled by the grace and goodness that has been extended to my through the Holy Spirit by the blood of Jesus, I probably take HIM for granted and don't appreciate all that HE does. As soon as he pulls back I don't take it for granted though...ugh...I am a terrible person. It is by HIS mercy that I am able to do any good at all in this life and am I ever reminded when I find I only have myself to solve life's questions. HE never leaves us in silence for long, it is a good thing. Silence does not mean HE has left us. I remember there were times that I did not interfere with my own children and would let them work through some issues, when they were small. I wanted them to be able to problem solve. Just as I was there, but not interfering, I know that our GOD is faithful, because HE said HE would never leave us or forsake us. He has never left me completely and for that I am so grateful. But sometimes HE has been silent. I am grateful for that too. In the end I know that HE loves me, that HE loved me enough to pay the penalty for my sin so that I could recieve the "Gift of God" of eternal life rather than the eternal death I was already living, Thank you FATHER for the Gift of your SON.
Be Good and Do Good
Monday, May 6, 2013
garage
I am supposed to be organizing the garage today. It is already almost 2pm. Not making great progress on that goal.
I am trying to allow my mind just as much exercise as my body, that is how I will justify all this time I have wasted today.
Well, I have had a couple of conversations that were needed and I am doing the laundry which just seems to take forever here for some reason. At least that is something. But mostly I am just basking in the wonderful time I had yesterday. I did some cooking which is always fun and creative, then I was able to enjoy a wonderful concert a Spring Musicale! That brought such a joy in my heart that organizing a garage seems so dull today. I would really like to find a place where I can sing again. I sang a solo over the Easter Holiday and enjoyed it very much and it was very well received.
Music, old music, from the church is so beautiful and moving. It touches my soul in a way that nothing else does. I wish I had a stronger voice that would give justice to the beautiful music, so grateful for those that do!
Where can I find some music???
I am trying to allow my mind just as much exercise as my body, that is how I will justify all this time I have wasted today.
Well, I have had a couple of conversations that were needed and I am doing the laundry which just seems to take forever here for some reason. At least that is something. But mostly I am just basking in the wonderful time I had yesterday. I did some cooking which is always fun and creative, then I was able to enjoy a wonderful concert a Spring Musicale! That brought such a joy in my heart that organizing a garage seems so dull today. I would really like to find a place where I can sing again. I sang a solo over the Easter Holiday and enjoyed it very much and it was very well received.
Music, old music, from the church is so beautiful and moving. It touches my soul in a way that nothing else does. I wish I had a stronger voice that would give justice to the beautiful music, so grateful for those that do!
Where can I find some music???
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Food
Food is something that I really enjoy. I like fixing food, sharing good food and the colors of food. I think that food is just beautiful. It makes nice centerpieces and brings wonderful smells into our lives. I am so grateful for food.
There was a time in my life that I had no use for food. It was something that did not interest me at all. In fact if I could have gone without eating, I think I probably would have. Funny how things have changed.
I just spent the last week trying to decide if I wanted to attend culinary school. I guess one never knows what life will hold.
I am glad that I can enjoy food now. It is a wonderful part of life!
There was a time in my life that I had no use for food. It was something that did not interest me at all. In fact if I could have gone without eating, I think I probably would have. Funny how things have changed.
I just spent the last week trying to decide if I wanted to attend culinary school. I guess one never knows what life will hold.
I am glad that I can enjoy food now. It is a wonderful part of life!
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Sunshine
Sunshine is a wonderful gift. The way it plays off of the spring leaves on the trees is wonderful. Not to mention how much is puts most people in a positive mood.
I am glad to say that most of the sticky darkness that was clogging up my brain has been replaced with the light of the sun, only a trace of the sludge remains...it always remains.
Looking into the future and the "Big Picture" of my life I feel like I am rotating in cirlces in my mind. Wanting to move forward, but always seeming to rotate back to the same place I was before.
One moment I embrace sincerly that each moment and each day holds enough joy and sorrow for us all without ever adding one thing to it. Another moment I feel as if I need to start running and never slow down until I find what it is I am seeking and longing for in this life.
When I was quite young and quite unhappy, I was content to live a difficult life and look to heaven for my reward as the time to look forward to. A better place if you will. Now the LORD has rocked my notion of that because I have a wonderful life here and now. I am so blessed one would not believe that someones life could be so utterly perfect. So, it makes me ponder...so what to do with all of this wonderful life! Is more being asked of me...or do I just want more because of a selfish desire? It is a circle in my mind....live for today...contribute do good...live for today...contribute do good...in some ways it is much easier when your life is difficult, because you don't have to worry about what to do with your time. Ones life is consummed with so much angst and activity that you don't have time to even think...let along sleep!
Perhaps this is the closest that I can get to being wealthy...I have never had money, but the saying is that time is money. I have more time and less stress that most people I know. I wonder if individuals that aquire great wealth sit and ponder, now what to do with all of this money? I guess they do, Jesus spoke of a man that had so much grain that he wanted to build bigger barns to hold it.
14 But He said to him, “Man, who made Me a judge or an arbitrator over you?” 15 And He said to them, “Take heed and beware of covetousness,[b] for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses.”
16 Then He spoke a parable to them, saying: “The ground of a certain rich man yielded plentifully. 17 And he thought within himself, saying, ‘What shall I do, since I have no room to store my crops?’ 18 So he said, ‘I will do this: I will pull down my barns and build greater, and there I will store all my crops and my goods. 19 And I will say to my soul, “Soul, you have many goods laid up for many years; take your ease; eat, drink, and be merry.”’ 20 But God said to him, ‘Fool! This night your soul will be required of you; then whose will those things be which you have provided?’
21 “So is he who lays up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God.”
So, how can I be rich toward God and use the treasure (in my case time) given to me. I guess I am not to "take my ease, eat, drink and be merry"
I guess I just need to find a job that works out for my family life as it is now. I think going to school would be great, but I think maybe just a job would be better. Tonight is a time of prayer and that is one thing that I know works. Maybe I will have an answer soon.
I am glad to say that most of the sticky darkness that was clogging up my brain has been replaced with the light of the sun, only a trace of the sludge remains...it always remains.
Looking into the future and the "Big Picture" of my life I feel like I am rotating in cirlces in my mind. Wanting to move forward, but always seeming to rotate back to the same place I was before.
One moment I embrace sincerly that each moment and each day holds enough joy and sorrow for us all without ever adding one thing to it. Another moment I feel as if I need to start running and never slow down until I find what it is I am seeking and longing for in this life.
When I was quite young and quite unhappy, I was content to live a difficult life and look to heaven for my reward as the time to look forward to. A better place if you will. Now the LORD has rocked my notion of that because I have a wonderful life here and now. I am so blessed one would not believe that someones life could be so utterly perfect. So, it makes me ponder...so what to do with all of this wonderful life! Is more being asked of me...or do I just want more because of a selfish desire? It is a circle in my mind....live for today...contribute do good...live for today...contribute do good...in some ways it is much easier when your life is difficult, because you don't have to worry about what to do with your time. Ones life is consummed with so much angst and activity that you don't have time to even think...let along sleep!
Perhaps this is the closest that I can get to being wealthy...I have never had money, but the saying is that time is money. I have more time and less stress that most people I know. I wonder if individuals that aquire great wealth sit and ponder, now what to do with all of this money? I guess they do, Jesus spoke of a man that had so much grain that he wanted to build bigger barns to hold it.
The Parable of the Rich Fool
13 Then one from the crowd said to Him, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.”14 But He said to him, “Man, who made Me a judge or an arbitrator over you?” 15 And He said to them, “Take heed and beware of covetousness,[b] for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses.”
16 Then He spoke a parable to them, saying: “The ground of a certain rich man yielded plentifully. 17 And he thought within himself, saying, ‘What shall I do, since I have no room to store my crops?’ 18 So he said, ‘I will do this: I will pull down my barns and build greater, and there I will store all my crops and my goods. 19 And I will say to my soul, “Soul, you have many goods laid up for many years; take your ease; eat, drink, and be merry.”’ 20 But God said to him, ‘Fool! This night your soul will be required of you; then whose will those things be which you have provided?’
21 “So is he who lays up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God.”
So, how can I be rich toward God and use the treasure (in my case time) given to me. I guess I am not to "take my ease, eat, drink and be merry"
I guess I just need to find a job that works out for my family life as it is now. I think going to school would be great, but I think maybe just a job would be better. Tonight is a time of prayer and that is one thing that I know works. Maybe I will have an answer soon.
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