Today I had a headache and was not as productive as i wanted to be in my University at Home. I did do something so I will be content to know that I could put something down in my log of new things that I am trying.
Yesterday I had a revelation of the struggle that I have been having being at home. I know that I have the most blessed and easy life right now and i have been feeling frustrated that I have been having these difficult days emotionally. I have not been able to put my finger on it, but yesterday I finally gained some understanding when i was visiting with my good friend. I understood that what is going on is that my "flesh" hates that I don't have anything in my life right now that I can boast about or be proud about and it is craving and wanting that pride! That is the battle...my flesh wants so badly to walk in the sin of pride that is wants to "make" something happen that I can talk about and feel good about (work, home, school) as it is now, I have nothing to boast about...except Jesus Christ and the finished work of the Cross in my life...so that is the conflict! I am incredibly happy and full of joy in my spirit because I know that HE IS MY ALL IN ALL! And I am miserable in my flesh...because I have been picking up my cross daily and following HIM. So now I realize I am not losing my mind, I just want to go back to my prideful ways and the LORD is helping me learn how to walk humbly before him...I am so glad I am learning this lesson and I am so glad I finally found the issue of these two very different feelings I have in my heart and mind. I am in the battle of my life trying to walk in humility. This is something I have been sincerely praying about for a couple of years and I am so glad he is helping with this. I want to be a humble person, I am tired of letting pride rule my life.
I did lose my patience today with someone and for that I need to ask forgiveness, Father please forgive me for my bad attitude, and help me be in your Spirit and not in myself when I am around that person, because they just get on my nerves without even trying. And i probably get on theirs.
LORD thank you for helping me get rid of my headache!
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