I came to a realization this week. I know I'm getting old when I can't tell the difference in a normal day and sickness. I remember when I was young I could wake up and know...wow I am sick today. Now, I realized I am so sore and feeling poorly so much, I just think ah another day of, well my life! Getting old is certainly not for the weak. I was sick and didn't just have a headache...because I do feel so much better today. At least I can still have strength of mind! wait...what was I talking about...
Ah...I am grateful for everyday i have, it is a challenge some days, with all the aches and pains, and forgetfulness, and lack of vision and what? I didn't hear you moments...but i am so blessed!
I have been given so much and could never list it all. I have been loved, I have been hated and I can tell you being both, love is so much sweeter when you have been on the other end of the feeling spectrum. Just like sorrow and joy. I have had many days of deep sorrow, only the LORD knows the depth of that pain, but now I have had so many days of Joy! I think that sorrow makes our heart grow and that Joy fills in where sorrow once was...or bitterness. I think you have to choose one or the other. I don't want to be a bitter old lady...i worry about losing my memory, what will remain of me if i lose myself to a brain disease? I try to not let it be anger or unforgiveness. Our hearts are deep and sometimes seemingly unsearchable, like the depths of the oceans. I want my life to be real and my feelings real. I am working on many "old hurts"...trying to move away from them. But just this morning i had anger arise, again...please let my life be about love (it holds no record of wrongs) and not self righteousness and pride! let everything that is ugly and unkind, self serving and wrong be away, away!
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