Intersection

There are people in our lives that intersect with us for a season.  Sometimes we pursue these relationships and sometimes they are forced upon us by circumstance.  In reflecting upon one relationship that was forced upon me, I find it strange now how much I am drawn toward knowing that person is doing well.  In some ways I find it strange, because the feeling is not returned so much as I can tell.  It is curious how a relationship can be one sided.  One party caring much more deelpy for the other.

Yesterday I had a wonderful time pondering how we are in a relationship with the LORD.  How he has made it possible for us to be in a relationship with HIM.  He did everything that is needed, yet it mostly remains one sided.  He does all the work and we disregard Him.  I don't want to be that way, I want to have a mutual relationship, one where I think about and pursue Him with all my mind, soul and body.  I hope that I can find a way to let go of those things that are of no concern and grab onto the things that truly matter.  Open my eyes so that I may see and open my ears so that I may hear what the Spirit is saying.

Family

I had the most lovely time with my youngest brother.  We spent time sharing about the good things of the LORD.  How amazing He is and many of the wonderful ways that he has extended grace into our lives and how he continues to extend mercy and grace into our lives.  It is nice to share about the great things of God, it is even nicer when that person is someone you shared a room with as a child. 

I am amazed and grateful for the ways that God has worked in each of our lives in different and amazing ways.  I could never say enough about this wonderful God that we serve.  My life is rich and full because of Him!

I am anxious for the day I can have these conversations with my children. Until then, Father please keep them in the palm of your hand, ever guiding and teaching them in your truth.

Hope

somedays it is harder than others to find hope...today is one of those days...i am seeking to hold on to hope...but for some reason today it feels far from my reach.  I think as i am typing this that it is a form of selfishness...I am too inward focused today.  It is something that i have been doing this week with purpose...trying to think about past hurts to draw them up and get rid of them.  I will be bringing all of my baggage to the LORD tonight in a time of prayer in hopes that I will be rid of all anger and hurt and unforgivness or what ever else may be lurking in my heart that I have buried and don't want to undig from the rubble of my mind and heart.  I want to be a vessel clean and spotless before the LORD...ready to take in HIS love and be a person that won't attach my own baggage to that offering unto the LORD.  This has been a week of tryiing to remember in order to forget. I guess that is kinda weird....but i want to let go of these heavy bags of sorrow.

I have still been having my wierd headache and i am unsure what that means...hope it isn't high blood pressure or????

I guess that is part of my concern.  I will take that to the LORD too...

may the LORD have His way and His say...as my dear borther used to say

Friends

I heard from a dear friend and it made my heart soar!  I am always amazed at how love does not grow stale.  How we can have many day, weeks or even years pass and the love remains.  The Word says that God is love and that God is eternal.  As time passes I am understanding the enduring power of love.  I want to walk in LOVE...because it is the one thing we can do that will not go away.  It endures no matter what else may suffer decay.  Clothes wear out, bodies get old, food rots...but love does not decay, it never wears out, and it is always young!  Love is vibrant and alive!

May all of my efforts and energies be focused on love, the thing that doesn't corrupt...

Well I was actually sick

I came to a realization this week.  I know I'm getting old when I can't tell the difference in a normal day and sickness.  I remember when I was young I could wake up and know...wow I am sick today.  Now, I realized I am so sore and feeling poorly so much, I just think ah another day of, well my life!  Getting old is certainly not for the weak.  I was sick and didn't just have a headache...because I do feel so much better today.  At least I can still have strength of mind!  wait...what was I talking about...

Ah...I am grateful for everyday i have, it is a challenge some days, with all the aches and pains, and forgetfulness, and lack of vision and what? I didn't hear you moments...but i am so blessed!

I have been given so much and could never list it all.  I have been loved, I have been hated and I can tell you being both, love is so much sweeter when you have been on the other end of the feeling spectrum.  Just like sorrow and joy.  I have had many days of deep sorrow, only the LORD knows the depth of that pain, but now I have had so many days of Joy!  I think that sorrow makes our heart grow and that Joy fills in where sorrow once was...or bitterness.  I think you have to choose one or the other.  I don't want to be a bitter old lady...i worry about losing my memory, what will remain of me if i lose myself to a brain disease?  I try to not let it be anger or unforgiveness.  Our hearts are deep and sometimes seemingly unsearchable, like the depths of the oceans.  I want my life to be real and my feelings real.  I am working on many "old hurts"...trying to move away from them.  But just this morning i had anger arise, again...please let my life be about love (it holds no record of wrongs) and not self righteousness and pride!  let everything that is ugly and unkind, self serving and wrong be away, away!

Headache

I woke up with a headache today.  I am pretty certain it is due to the trouble I have with my breathing when I sleep, or more accurately my lack of breathing when I sleep.  I hope this headache goes away, I have so much to do today.

I have been struggling in my mind with some different issues, mostly concerning people I care deeply about.  I am hoping to let my mind be free from worry or bad feelings and thoughts toward others, but it is hard.  Especially when you body is not feeling well.  I feel like my whole body had been hit by a truck...I guess that is the damp weather and my inflammation...the joys of aging.

I am a bit whiny today.  Sorry about that.

So now that I have confessed how I really feel, I am working on being honest and not stuffing my feelings.  How do I dig myself out of this hole?

I suppose it makes sense that I would focus on the truly good thing in life which is Christ and the finished work of the cross.  Because no matter how bad i feel or how badly my thoughts want to run away, one truth stays certain in these uncertain days.  That is the finished work of the Cross!  Oh the joy of being able to run to the One who paid it all so that I could overcome this wretched man that I am.  My son posted that he likes to get high because he can forget all of his worries.  In a strange and maybe disturbing way, i am glad that he at least recognizes why he likes to get high.  He wants to be happy!  He wants to be loved.  I am waiting for the day that he understands that in
Christ you don't have to forget your troubles, because he takes them away as far as the East is from the West.  He allows us to stand clean in His presence, because of what His Son did on the Cross.  We don't have to forget...He has already forgotten.  We are a new creature, whole and born again when we accept this great gift of Salvation.  It does sadden my heart that he had found satisfaction in the cheap substitute of the world...but that will only hold its charm for so long and I know eventually it will give way to the hollow substance that it is.  Whereas Christ HE just grows sweeter and sweeter with the passing of time.  He is more real and more able to meet our every need.  I will be happy happy happy the day that my son throws away the cheap imitation and finds the true meaning of love in his creator.

Laundry

I have a pile of laundry to do today.  Not sure why it is taking me so long to get through it.  Lately it feels like I am moving so slow.  So I have decided that I must just be tired from all of my travels.  But what a time of travel! 

I have seen so much of my family and now in a couple of weeks we get to go visit my husband's mom and sister and that will be wonderful.  My husband is such a wonderful man, I wish I could do more that I can for him.  He has an tender heart.

Small issues have come up that I have needed to talk through and my husband always has a listening ear to help me.  He has loved me in such a way that I did not even understand a person could love a wife.  I am so blessed.  I am thankful for him, he doesn't even realize all he has done.  Someday he may understand. Someday I hope he does.