Kindness is something that often has to be taught. As a whole children are not especially kind to one another and tend to be quite selfish. This is also true of most adults. The difference is that adults find ways to hide our unkind actions towards others as we get older. When we are young we just yank on the toy and hit the other kid over the head with it after we have retrieved it from them, or maybe they hit us over the head with the toy. Either way we understand the message, "I want that toy and you can not have it, and now I am mad at you for trying to take something away that I want." So, we tell our children, "honey you need to share the toy and be nice to your friends".
One of the most valuable and long lasting pieces of wisdom I was given was to be kind to myself. It is amazing how some of us will long abuse ourselves because what we really wanted to do was hit someone else over the head, but we were taught to be kind to others. We give away kindness and inwardly hit ourselves, with thoughts and words, with unforgiveness and dissapointment. We become super critical and stress ourselves out over what we didn't do right. Meet a deadline, make someone love us, create a successful meal, land the job...we put on ourselves unrealistic expectations. I will be the perfect "mom", "wife", "employee", "singer" and when we are not we eat our insides up with anger. A wise mentor told me, "Susan, be gentle with yourself". It changed my world. For many years I had to remind myself, when the words would come inside my own mind and heart of what a utter failure I was being at that moment, that I was to cut myself some slack. So, I did. I started cutting myself some slack and the most amazing process started. I felt better. When I began to see myself as valuable even in my failures, I started feeling better toward everyone else too. Somehow even if they could not do everything perfectly that would be okay too. I have found so much peace in my life now. It has been over 10 years since I was encouraged to be "gentle with myself", that act has made being kind to others so much easier now.
